Finally, after 17 months of going through the court system, my daughter, Keeley Rose Cutshall, will soon be coming home to spend time with daddy.
It has been a long time since I had consistent visitation with my daughter, and it hasn't been easy. Any father who says otherwise, has either lost the ability to feel and love or has ingested way too much drugs. I have missed her smile, and the cute way she talks. I've missed the way she plays with Savannah, and warms up to Danette. We have missed the presence of Keeley, and welcome the changes that are soon to come.
Nothing could have prepared me for this absence of my daughter, much of which I might have to one day take responsibility, but the journey has been painful and one I will make sure to never make again. I love my daughter more than anything, and the days ahead I will make the most of, and try to make it up to her. I promise, baby girl, nothing shall ever take me away from your call and need to see your daddy. I am here now, and will never leave again.
I am Sean Cutshall, and I am Destiny Daddy.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
ON THE BRINK OF SOMETHING SPECIAL.....WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?
Some things in life desire the presence of those we love. No matter the event, it's that presence of love and people that brings possibilities and hope to otherwise lifeless events.
With 14 months now gone from the relationship my daughter and I would have had, everything inside me still craves the stare of my beautiful 3 year old daughter. Living over 300 miles from me, the cycle of emotions have been extreme, and nothing seems to happen just right in her absence.
I know, some will say what I'm experiencing is normal, and to be expected in a otherwise common practice of parental split-ups, but I will confirm to me, the feelings of me, involve only me, and can only be described by me, or by someone else thinking they know me. I am not experiencing anything that is normal, or ever should be normal. God does not place a craving for a specific soul to be close, to protect without question that soul you intuitively crave, and then expect you to be fulfilled without their presence. I feel my daughter reach out for me, and I see her lips fall and the dimpled frown grow, as she realizes and remembers, I am no longer there. I close my eyes and feel her tears. I know and recognize the sound of her questions, about daddy, nobody will answer.
I have had events to cheer, events that brought tears, but never have the experiences seemed complete in their cheer or devastation because my daughter is not their to witness the power that comes from these tragic or accomplished events. The power of hope that comes from adding 'people' and 'love' to these things.
I feel the tide building inside, and the power that might soon be released. And, like a bottle of wine or champagne I stifle it, sometimes even sabotage it, maybe in hopes the circumstances of my daughter and
myself will soon change.
Keeley Rose Cutshall came into my life as a baby, but she is a piece of me everybody calls perfect. And, that is something I could have never done myself.I hold on to hope as if she is here, and together we will bring our lives closer together. This is Sean Cutshall, and I am Destiny Daddy.
With 14 months now gone from the relationship my daughter and I would have had, everything inside me still craves the stare of my beautiful 3 year old daughter. Living over 300 miles from me, the cycle of emotions have been extreme, and nothing seems to happen just right in her absence.
I know, some will say what I'm experiencing is normal, and to be expected in a otherwise common practice of parental split-ups, but I will confirm to me, the feelings of me, involve only me, and can only be described by me, or by someone else thinking they know me. I am not experiencing anything that is normal, or ever should be normal. God does not place a craving for a specific soul to be close, to protect without question that soul you intuitively crave, and then expect you to be fulfilled without their presence. I feel my daughter reach out for me, and I see her lips fall and the dimpled frown grow, as she realizes and remembers, I am no longer there. I close my eyes and feel her tears. I know and recognize the sound of her questions, about daddy, nobody will answer.
I have had events to cheer, events that brought tears, but never have the experiences seemed complete in their cheer or devastation because my daughter is not their to witness the power that comes from these tragic or accomplished events. The power of hope that comes from adding 'people' and 'love' to these things.
I feel the tide building inside, and the power that might soon be released. And, like a bottle of wine or champagne I stifle it, sometimes even sabotage it, maybe in hopes the circumstances of my daughter and
myself will soon change.
Keeley Rose Cutshall came into my life as a baby, but she is a piece of me everybody calls perfect. And, that is something I could have never done myself.I hold on to hope as if she is here, and together we will bring our lives closer together. This is Sean Cutshall, and I am Destiny Daddy.
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