Daddy's new friends

Daddy's new friends
by Sean Cutshall

Today, I saw a glimpse of the future. In my head, I saw pictures of me, not hanging out with friends I once saw irreplaceable, but with new people. The one thing these new people had in common was the big, blinding sign on their forehead that read, "I am a parent!".

I can't believe the transformation happenning in me, and I promise, it wasn't always this way. There was a time, when I could see myself forever running the basketball court, juggling a soccer ball and going, with friends, to all the things normal people do, at least, those who do not have the obligations of parenthood. This is changing.

I fear the very, near future, where I become boring to those people I call my friends. Going to hit golf balls, or filling a day with garage sale shopping, thrift store visiting or just having a drink at a local bar or restaurant, may soon be things of the past, or things that must be scheduled weeks in advance. I don't know how I will handle this full transformation, but, I do know, it is on the horizon. Already, I see myself sitting with other parents at a park or soccer field, not testing out the new set of golf clubs I just bought, but participating in the group chant, "anything your kid can do, mine can do better!".

Change is here, and I realize the new set of guidelines I'm a part of now. It's change I can handle, and something I been around a lot over my lifetime. Let's be honest, I have been on an identity crisis roller-coaster for the last fifteen years, having gone from a collegiate soccer player and journalism student to a person addicted to methamphetamines, and, ultimately, a resident of the state department of corrections. Prison is not where anyone saw me fifteen years ago, including myself, and it was not the ideal place to prepare for parenthood. But, I grew up, regardless of how late, and for what reason, I grew up. One thing, I refuse to ignore, is the pure strength I have gained from my experiences. And, while my roller coaster was scary, lonely and unpredictable at times, it has stopped and let out a man, a daddy.

Visualizations of my future shows something different, and those people around me are different too. They, also, are parents, or, at least, respect me as a parent. Many adults spend a lifetime trying to revert back to the days of pre-parenthood, but there is a select few of us who view this adaption away from their youth and their life experiences as a good thing, even a miracle. I welcome the change in friends, activities and expectations. And, while many will spend countless dollars and hours trying to nurture the "old" self, so to one day get that person back, I will wake up today, take a deep breath, and be grateful for the transformation of self. Many will see these people in my life as all being fathers, but I prefer to acknowledge them as daddy's new friends. I won't ever ignore where I was, and who I was around, but I am a father now. I am destiny daddy, and I'll never try to be anything else again.