Growing, growing, gone

Growing, growing, gone
by Sean Cutshall

Only six months ago, I held my daughter in my hands, and wondered how something so small could have such a instant and dramatic affect on my heart. Barely able to open her eyes, I knew she could see me, and, without a doubt, I knew she could feel me as her daddy. Argue if you want, but it's a lost cause, my daughter had been calling for me for the last nine months.

I think time began to tick, at that very moment, in a unusually faster way. Despite the reality of my life, and careful not skip the monumental effect of each tick, time began to move fast. Mommy, wasn't it just yesterday our baby girl smiled for the first time? No one could have prepared me for the adjustment in time, I now must become accustomed, but preparation was never something I asked for anyways, not that I would have gotten it. I'd prefer to just experience each new day with the same appreciation I had the first day my daughter came into this world. I think this way I can be sure to never miss the beauty of being a father.

My daughter is growing, and it is beautiful to watch and participate in this aging process, but don't confuse this and think I want to hurry the process. I know there will come a day, where my daughter will start kindergarten, go to middle school and high school, go on her first date, go to her prom, drive a car for the first time, but I am not thinking of these things. This daddy waited a long time for fatherhood, and it would take a act of congress, to get me to admit I want any stage of this growing process to move any faster than it is already.

My daughter may be growing, but if you ask me just how much and how fast, I'll only say she weighs the same, looks the same and has aged none since this time yesterday. I won't be pushing to mark her growth on the nearest wall or asking her to say more than what she is, already, desperately wanting to say, but can't quite pronounce it yet. I hear her trying to say the word "daddy", but I keep this knowledge to myself, knowing there is special moment and time for her first word to come. She may be growing, but for me, I drowned myself in the here and now. I am here, this is now, and I am destiny daddy.