Fatherhood, a living legacy

Fatherhood, a living legacy
by Sean Cutshall

Maturity is not automatic, and neither is fatherhood. As a child, I was raised by a man I knew as "dad", despite a lack of true genetic disposition. Marrying my mother, and calling me son, was all I thought was required as prerequisits on the fatherhood application. But, I also thought grape juice was actually called "more", until the age of five or six, so understanding fully the role that this man had taken on early in my life was relatively short in true experience.

This "dad" raised me, loved me, believed in me, and, while, I never knew it at the time, he was providing me with a core set of ideas regarding fatherhood that I see coming out today. This man, my dad, later in life committed suicide, but I believe strongly in the idea, that is what he did, not who he was. To me, and my brothers, he was not a man struggling with his love for us, or willingness to do anything for us; nor, was he man, who secretly dealt with issues inside totally unrelated to his love for us. He was Dad. Fatherhood was not what he did, but who he was. Today, I remember him. With love and appreciation, I cherish him. With a cradling arm to my younger brother, and a outstretched hand to my older brother, we celebrate him. These tears of memory are necessary and reasonable, as they solidify and extend the legacy of fatherhood that started many years ago, and, today, begins to breathe and live on in my new purpose.

I learned that fatherhood is who you are, not what you are, a long time ago. This will remain with me, as I build upon this legacy with my first and beautiful daughter. It, also, is a reminder to me to be open, and welcoming, to another father in my life. While this man, was not the one who raised me early on, he is a man God chose to be my biological father, and, a man, I know can and will have a dramatic impact on my life in the future and on the legacy I believe I will one day leave behind. If fatherhood is truly who you are, not what you are, then it is a role that can encompass many years, or lifetimes, and one able to include more than just one person or experience.

Holding my daughter today gives me a sense of belonging, and purpose I've never felt before. It takes all the lessons and inspiration from my childhood, my dad, my brothers; and, it brings them into a tunnel vision of perspective. I am a great "daddy" because of the dad I had, because of the dad he still is to me and my brothers, and because of who he was, who he is, and never just what he was.